The Tolerance Wars - 7
not part of the plan
upper and lowercase
begin at the beginning—Chapter 1
The Tolerance Wars
7.
not part of the plan
My man had taken the time to explain the situation to me in detail, some of which I actually understood. Seems like there was nothing nasty going on. “Somebody just wants to know what you’re up to.” Even from the other end of the phone line I could hear him shrug. “No big deal as long as you’re still one of the good guys. And you are, right?”
For some reason it crossed my mind that bad guys might think of good guys as the bad guys. But my brain hurts when I try to follow that kind of thinking. So I figured I’d go with the ‘bin tryin’ to live a decent life and not hurt anybody’ concept of goodness. “Last I checked. But I don’t know if maybe y’need a licence nowadays.”
I heard buddy snort. “So some moraller than thou can haul you up on the sidewalk and give you a ticket and a couple of demerits for not being good enough? Man this could get interesting.”
“Sounds like my life all over again. I mean it took me three tries to get my poetic licence. And then nobody bothered to tell me I was supposed to renew it. So I’m not supposed to worry about this thing?”
“Not unless you consider it nasty for someone to have a deep and abiding interest in every move you make.”
Me I didn’t so much mind, I figured it was pretty much like working in front of an audience, no big deal as long as you’re not planning on doing anything you don’t want people to know about. Besides, my rule has always been I don’t put anything online I wouldn’t be happy seeing on the front page of a newspaper. But i thought it might be a little different for my friend the scientist. Turned out it was.
At first she was surprised, but she settled soon enough. “You mean this thing just showed up?”
I’d had to go and retrieve my gear so we’d agreed to meet at the club for lunch. Sometimes the food was more adventurous than tasty, like the unbridled whimsy that was their tofu burger, but unlike the thinly veiled malevolence at the university folks at the club knew better than to throw brown rice at paying customers. Besides the coffee was heaven.
“No idea how it got there if that’s what you mean.” Another sunny day, we’d managed to snag a table by the front window. Yeah, the parade’s almost as good at ground level. “And it sure wasn’t there when I swept up and powered down the day before. So it’s new.” The thought drifted across my mind that we hadn’t seen our blond friend yet today. I wasn’t exactly worried about him, mind, he could probably look after himself. “My man says it has no fingerprints, and so far he can’t tell where it’s from or where it’s headed. So at the moment it’s a big fat I dunno.”
We ate in quiet for a few minutes, she watching the parade, me trying not to watch her. Not nice to do when someone’s thinking hard.
Eventually she surfaced. “Do you mind if I use your connection again?”
I was surprised, but it wasn’t my business to second guess the smart lady. “Sure. when’s good?”
“Are you busy after lunch?”
“I’m doin’ freeform today.” I did in my coffee and wondered about another. “So after lunch is perfect.” I couldn’t help myself though. “You know that thing is gonna catch every move you make.”
“I know. But I have some things I should finish. Anyway,” she smiled. I almost wished she’d stop doing that. “Who’d be interested in what I’m up to?”
That was pretty much the question. But I figured she knew that. And besides it was her solo after all. Which meant it was up to me to supply the rhythm, nothing more. Fair enough, that’s a gig I can handle. So we finished the meal and got her back in front of the box.
“Nothing more I can get you?”
“No, I’m good, thanks.” I could tell she was already focused on the work. “I may be at this for a while.”
“Pas de probleme. The kitchen’s yours if you need. I’m gonna go walkabout for a bit, stretch my legs.” Maybe clear my head, too, I thought. Now there’s a plan. “Won’t be long.”
Down the stairs and into the jewel of a day, I pulled the door locked behind me, then headed off in the general direction of the park. Wasn’t so much about the destination as the journey. When I got there I’d figure out where next.
Funny how keeping my body occupied helps me think straight. Walking is good, but dishes will do, or driving, anything that keeps my hands busy. Somebody told me once it was keeping the left brain occupied, the part that likes to be in charge, while the right brain figures out what’s really going on. I had a bandleader like that once. Come to think of it I was a bandleader like that once. Yeah, time for a walk. I took off in the general direction of out there not here.
To tell you the truth I wasn’t even sure why I was walking. I just knew I needed to move for a while. I didn’t know what had me more rattled, the total weirdness around our scientist friend, or the fact that I was enjoying her company more than I was really ready for. But I was definitely rattled. “And the last thing the lady needs is a bunch of that hanging around when she’s trynna think, right?” I didn’t really have an answer to that, then I realized it was probably a rhetorical question, so I didn’t bother. I kept walking.
People were always telling me how smart I was. But I’d take nice over smart any day. I’d done smart. And I’d had smart done to me. Much to my surprise I learned that smart can have a touch of nasty to it. I’d felt the back of that hand more than once in my life. The memory didn’t hurt anymore. Much. But hey, guys aren’t supposed to give a rat’s ass when a soulmate tells us to get stuffed and drop dead. So you suck it up and get on with life. No big deal. But I’m not built for feeling sorry for myself, so for the last few years I’d poured my life into my work the same way I’d poured it into my relationships. Funny thing was I was getting way more return. So I figured that was it. I hadn’t exactly taken the pledge, but I was aware enough to know that if I took up any of those sweet offers that musicians get I was gonna fall head over heels again. “Break your neck doin’ that move.” I had to agree. So I’d turned it down enough times that I knew word was going around the ladies that i was gay. At the same time word was going around the other side of the street that i was straight. I didn’t see any percentage in clearing things up so I let it ride.
Besides with the right kind of head-down my so-called career had finally come to a point that I was working as much as I wanted to. Paying my bills on time with a little left over. In my business that’s outrageous success. So getting all caught up in a smart lady with a career and a life and a whole bunch of problems she didn’t know the half of, that was not part of the plan. “Like there’s a plan.” I found myself hoping one of us would turn out to be queer. And if she wasn’t maybe I could convert.
I’d been walking for a couple of hours. Hadn’t solved anything, but I felt more together than when I started. Sometimes that’s what a change of perspective feels like. Nothing you could put into words, just everything feels more solid somehow. Words come later. I’d been on autopilot for a while, but I must’ve known I’d had enough without thinking about it because checked in and saw that I was just around the corner from my place. Fair enough. Figured I’d go see if she needed a break yet.
I unlocked the door and made it up the stairs. I could hear that the box was on, but things were kind of quiet. When I checked out the workspace I found out why. Nobody home. She’d left a note. “Gone for a while. Don’t worry. Thanks for everything.”
Y’know, if she hadn’t said ‘don’t worry’ I wouldn’t have.
No, this was not part of the plan.
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