the tolerance wars - 27
trust for a while
every week
until it’s done
begin at the beginning—chapter 1
the tolerance wars
27.
trust for a while
“it would be weirder if i wasn’t there.”
she wasn’t wrong. and i wasn’t arguing.
“they know who i am. and that i hang out with the band.”
“you don’t mind them keeping an eye on you?”
“word is i be a distraction. rachel says i’ll be good at it. she’s cute.”
“and a little fan struck.”
“so am i. did you see what she did?”
“apparently that’s what she does. she makes things.” i didn’t mention also the demonstrated ability to duff a stranger in the night. which come to think of it same with this friend of the band, who was suggesting not being weird. i was feeling a bit safer.
“she’s a counterfeiter. or she would be if she did it for a living. she’s an artist. conceptual stuff. the things she makes are just part of it. it’s what we do with them. and how it makes us think about that. that’s what she actually does.” main line of work or not woman made a thing it got truly made. but part of how she worked was to start moving things around, or putting things together. only later figure out what you’re actually doing. and what it maybe means. apparently same with the hat. in her telling anyways, just ended up with it. her hat. now what would you do with that? “no idea. so she just thought if someone was looking to spoil the party she could maybe offer this.“
“always looking to spoil a party?”
“not what i heard.”
“you asked?”
“she told me.”
“it is the obvious question.”
“woman knows how to solder. and how to party. i may be in trouble.”
“you’re in trouble in all kinds of ways.”
“are you flirting with me?”
“no.” i reconsidered. “unless you’d rather.” didn’t know what else to say. so, “my soldering chops are modest.” thought about it, “unless that’s too much information.”
that smile again. damn. “i’m supposed to be the distraction.”
“oh you are.”
“now you are flirting with me.”
“i am not.”
“you are.”
“no, i’m just pointing out your job description.” though maybe she was right. just in case, “and agreeing with the artist.”
there’s a beat. then, “we should go.”
“you’ve got your coat on. i’ve got keys.”
“let’s do this.”
i drove. same big house. shorter drive there. some things get better. same kitchen. same dark wood. same bustle of people. same marcus. i’d already had the moment in the front hall when archer took off her coat and gave it to the coat check. then turned. stood still for a second. she made what she was wearing look so good. slight diagonal, modest cut but fine, darkest that could still be emerald. blonde hair. and those eyes. then that smile.
“breathe.”
realized who was talking. did as i was told. then, “distracted.”
“you’re cute when you’re distracted.”
“now you’re flirting with me.”
small shake of the head. she says, “no.” there’s a beat. lady’s got timing. “so where shall we go?”
“somewhere with not so many people?”
which is how we ended up in the kitchen.
“i need those out now.” with marcus. directing ovens. and sending platters. and setting up the next wave of the same. he had a second for us, though. just. “my dear, you are stunning. you make that dress look marvellous.” i’d thought the same. but he said it. note to self.
“not too… distracting?”
“just enough.” the lady clearly pleased, he turned to me. “and you.” sized me up. “look like a musician.” not as impressed. copper brown jacket, collared blue shirt, black jeans, deep orange-brown nine-eyed boots.
“which is what he’s here for.” nice. though maybe didn’t need defending.
“you could lead him to the stage? i understand he can have a poor sense of direction.” yeah thanks.
“the same room as last time?”
“indeed. in the same location. though there will be a few more people than last time.”
“any numbers?” i usually don’t like knowing, but this felt like an exception.
“i’ve been told to expect five hundred.” more than i expected, i must’ve reacted. “not all of them will be in the room with you at any one time.”
“that hall will cram three hundred. but nobody better shout fire.”
“we will keep a close eye on things. meanwhile let them talk among themselves. many are already gathered in the big room. conversations are abundant. and energetic. you may be interested in what you hear.”
he wasn’t wrong.
“build your own bunker. in a kit. we provide everything. or just plans and helpful instructions if that’s your style. of course if you prefer one of our fully accredited partners will come and do it for you. right in your very own backyard. now that’s peace of mind.”
same long room. same high ceiling. same couple of couches now pushed close to the walls. somehow still looking artfully dropped. same stage at the far end. same picture window along most of the long wall. same sprung floor. same room. very different vibe.
“ham radio is the way to go. when all communication breaks down, having your own means of transmission will be essential.”
a lot more people. most of ‘em talking. just enough space between clumps of people to weave through. it’s a sea of sound. nobody’s shouting but it’s a collective roar of voice-like noises though you can hear louder moments come and go in waves around the room and only as you pass by do you hear anything that sounds like words.
“not really a private police force. we undertake an agreement with our fully licensed independent operators to co-operatively assure a secure environment.”
then they’re gone. because people aren’t all standing still. of course. some are. but some twos and threes are walking. and talking. of course.
“face it, if you don’t have a source of drinking water you’re limited by what you can store. membranes.”
though there are pockets where fewer people are talking. which might indicate listening. because of course there’s also someone talking.
“there is no safer investment. gold will always be there for you.”
work past the small knot of non-moving people. around to the left.
“the revolution has already happened. and this book explains why.”
away from the couch, back to the right and toward the stage. several groups of people. none of them moving. nowhere to go that isn’t backing up. this may take a second.
“we can’t help you arm yourself the way we can when we’re back home. but we can arrange to promptly deliver a full range of armament products the minute that pubic order breaks down. of course between now and that eventuality we will keep you supplied with lethal defensive products that are both effective and well within the regulatory framework of your jurisdiction. all while doing our part to keep our legislative partners aware of the needs of their constituents for increased firepower. together we make the world safer.”
the group by the wall decide to walk while talking. take their opening and make for the wall to come up on that side of the stage. almost there.
“today is the first day of the rest of your life. and that’s why today is the best day to start investing in your future. our unincorporated township opportunity combines sound investment practices with the best the mid-north has to offer.”
guitar case finally placed on the side of the stage. take a second to look back over what we just crossed. two guys standing just the other side of the speakers. one of them is talking. of course. the words drift over the waves.
“it’s bunker date. figure out who you most want to settle down with when it all goes up.”
same room. different vibe.
i turned away from the rolling seascape of conversations. and got my first look at the stage. no milk crates this time. amps set on stands, shin height, angled slightly not foursquare. some kind of material can’t decide if it’s metal or space-age plastic in a dark green that’s got something else trynna shine through. and two lengths of material flown from a height and pinned to the floor one on this side of the stage and another over by my amp. and i notice they’re lit. not turned on yet. just small accent lights. but they’re gonna look nice. somebody had been thinking about us. i had no idea.
“rachel.” tony saw me taking it all in. “she had a minute.”
competences. no big deal. but i got this. i am surrounded by competences. tony grabbed my amp and slugged it across the stage and up onto a stand over there in a me-like location.
two sets. forty minutes each. we finished the first one. crowd felt good. mind you as soon as the music stopped they started talking again. came the roar. even more excited than before. i saw the outside lights through the picture window and decided that out there probably wouldn’t be as loud. so i made for the back exit and a butt. call me predictable.
by the side of the building. me and sparechange. apparently the smoking section.
“man you’d be a drag sneakin’ up on people. sometimes that right ankle of yours just decides to go tick. for a while. i can hear every right step you make.”
actually that night it was the left. tho buddy wasn’t wrong. plenty of times i had to edit out that sound, because i’d been moving around while the mic was open and i was supposed to be quiet and listening to the magic. not contributing to it. tick. i knew exactly what it looked like on the waveform on the screen. which i had to edit. wasn’t all the time. sometimes i could dance around in blessed silence. another time there it was. tick. “it helps me not to startle people.”
“i got news for you.”
also not wrong. i changed the subject. “so how’s the vibe?”
“haven’t had a chance to check in. mostly what i got ain’t nothin’ outside o’ people doin’ a thing. sure do talk tho.”
“lots of ways to spend money. thought this was a join-the-club party.”
“bein’ sold a message, man. that’s the product. the message, just comes in different forms.”
“wha’d’you figure?”
“that you’re right to feel under attack and here’s something you can do about it.” took a drag and flicked it. hot ember moved with his hand. “and even though you’re part of a proud majority you’re clearly being oppressed.” one last drag and pitched the butt into a small can that’d told us we were in the right place. “so do something about it.” flicked a look at me. “otherwise you’re a coward.”
“really? seems kinda heavy.”
“man, shortwave. am radio. hundreds of radio shows. guys like adorno figure ‘bout a third of us gonna think like that anyhow. jus’ how we’re made up. fair enough. but we are decades in to hours and hours of that message. every week. everywhere. ‘be afraid. be angry. do something about it.’”
“decades?”
“yup. more organized message, to more people, over a longer period in time, than in all of history, man.” he checked in. “and all made to feel like it’s done under attack, like you’re under attack. and in danger of losing.”
“so do something about it.”
“better organized. clear message. decades.” a small shrug. “not much t’do ‘bout it. good to know an’ it’s like that.”
i finished and tossed the butt. hit the can that was sitting on weathered concrete probably as old as the original house, two arms worn not crumbling maybe eight inches high either side of a couple of stairs down to basement door. entryway might’ve been from the forties, maybe left to look that way, but down the steps the solid fire-door clearly meant business. the business of security. though at that moment it was propped open.
“clean way back to the kitchen?”
buddy nodded. “basement runs all under the house. there’s stairs come up in the kitchen at the far end. there’s another set along this wall goes up into someplace on the main floor at the front of the house. and one more that gets you to a door just behind where you’re playing.”
“there’s a door there?”
“not hidden. it’s there. just not when you’re not lookin’ for it.”
sounded better than wading through the crowd to get back for the next set. “think anybody’d mind if i used it?”
“goin’ back already? i thought you were takin’ a hour.”
“no man, gonna wander. just if i don’t wanna do the people thing i might see if this is open.”
“probably cool. just tell ‘em you’re a musician.”
“there’s somebody to tell?”
“mmm. two guys. by that set of stairs at this end. they’re cool. but you can’t go up there.”
“any reason i’d want to?”
“not that they’d be good with.”
“fair enough. and if i’m looking for the kitchen?”
“far end. couple of smaller rooms between here and there. can’t get lost, they’re locked. nothin’ of interest inside. though there’s a door to maybe an addition under the big hall. think it’s the full length.” he looked kinda wistful. “love to get a look in there.”
“think that’s where it is?”
“aw man, no. the thing is done. i’m just curious.”
“done?”
“mmm. now we just waitin’ on the reviews.”
shows what i know. break over, buddy offered to walk me through underneath to the kitchen. i figured i’d stay out get some air and wander by the front of the house. he closed the door behind him. i heard the bar latch. solid.
round the front of the house i took a few minutes. evening air. warm for this part of fall. clear sky. enough stars to show up the top edges of the tree line around the driveway. no fog. not like last time. dunno why i thought of that. probably the black pickup parked over there by the cedar. yeah, figured it looked like a clearer drive home tonight. especially if i turned left.
or was it right?
back into the house by the front door. stood at the cloak room for a minute. deciding. wasn’t quite into full people mode yet. saw a couple coming down from upstairs. drinks in hand. smiling and chatting. i nodded hi at the bottom as i passed them and headed up.
at the top landing i could see a couple of open doorways to my right. when i got a bit closer i could see they were bedrooms. with a sitting room vibe. and lit just so. looking like something out of a magazine. a few people sitting and talking. not disturbing anything. i headed off in the other direction.
just past the landing on that side there was a small hallway. two rooms facing one another. also doors open. also bedrooms. also perfectly lit. apparently no one in them. didn’t feel like a nap so i moved on. at the end of the hallway another room. not a bedroom. bigger than a parlour. maybe some kind of meeting room. high ceiling. large peaked window on the far wall. framing the moon. kinda nice. quarter moon. waxing. i figured. just inside the doorway someone standing. also looking at the moon.
tick.
they turned quickly. startled. and got sight of me. looked me up and down. i did my best ‘hi i’m with the band’ look. must’ve worked. they didn’t jump me.
“quite the place.” figured i should talk first.
“a bit more of a trade show than i was expecting.” guy reminded me of a kid i knew from a farm the other side of st. thomas. same look. when people disappointed him.
“what were you expecting?”
he was about to say something. thought about it. chose his words. “different focus.”
“little less selling things?”
“a little more doing things.”
“like what.”
“things that need doing.” he turned back to the moon. still framed in the window. “because things need doing.”
“sure do.” i agreed. though maybe not thinking the same things. then i remembered sparechange, looking for reviews. figured maybe i should ask. “you glad you came?”
“yeah.” still looking at the moon. “just…” the sound of looking for words. “think i was hoping for more.”
“more than a trade show?”
“no. more than…” he thought about it. “wish i’d got more out of it.”
we both stood there for a minute. both watching the moon. he didn’t say anything else. after a while i turned and headed back to the hallway down the stairs.
it’d started to feel like time to think about showing up for that second set. but really didn’t feel like wading through all those people in the hall. buddy said there was a stage door. i headed for the kitchen.
when i got there i managed to keep myself mostly out of the way.
“you look lost.” marcus spotted me.
“i hear there’s a way i can get to the stage from downstairs. save me the crowd.”
i saw something on his face. like when the lady was doing science. then, “of course. you’re an honoured guest. let’s make your day easier.” he nodded towards a door in the corner. “through there. it’s a pantry. at the far end you’ll see stairs.”
i dodged someone carrying a large platter. and headed for the pantry.
“if anyone asks, tell them i suggested it.”
“i’m with the band.” though not everyone was there for the music, i reminded myself. might not be as helpful as i’d like. we’ll just have to see. i turned the handle and opened the door. large pantry. late victorian. was this original? more of the deep dark wood. long, high ceiling, open shelves above cupboards. at the far end an open doorway and stairs, looking like they’re going down and to the right. light at the bottom of the stairs. no fire door. a good sign. i took the stairs.
long hallway. just like sparechange said. well lit and definitely not original. this was no late victorian farmhouse basement. painted concrete floor. new walls. solid, also looked concrete. somebody’d dug this down and done it up right. yeah i’d call it a finished basement.
down the hallway i could see the two doors buddy’d called. i’d take his word that they were locked. there was another shorter hall off to the right. i took that. about as far as the original foundation. when it turned left i could see another long hallway. also fully lit. i headed for the far end. about a third of the way down, on the side where the addition had been made up on the ground floor, there was another door. double locks. maybe that was the one buddy’d been looking wistful about. well it was certainly closed. i decided not to check whether it was locked. at the far end of the hallway there was another opening. also on the addition side. no door. no light. a few feet into the dim i could make out stairs. heading up.
i started up the stairs. lost the light at about half way up. a few more steps and it stopped. at a small landing. not wide. no door. on the right was a wall. i could hear the sound of all those people talking. must be the place. i felt around for some kind of handle. or door knob. or something. my hands brushed over a raised line. half-inch wide. waist-high, running parallel to the ground. i followed it to the left. ended up at a round thing. kinda domed. as i was running my hand over it i must’ve pressed the centre.
part of the wall slid aside.
and the full roar of the people hit me.
took me a second to let it wash over me before i could take any more input. first i saw was tony. looking at me like i’d appeared out of nowhere. which i guess i had. and like she approved. which i guess i did too.
“neat trick.”
“i heard there was a door.”
“nobody told me.” definitely approved.
dark emerald. diagonal. i took in that archer was there. “you are full of surprises.” also approved.
by the time i’d centred myself i got that josie was sitting behind the drums, waits was wearing the magical bass, mcshane strapped in and looking like he didn’t need a warmup, and tony looking at me like we got all the time in the world and don’t mind waiting for you to catch up. grateful i nodded hi, i’m here let’s do this. grabbed my guitar, settled the strap over my shoulder, hit the standby on the amp. and looked up at nobody in particular. “if you guys are through messing around, we can do this.”
tony called it. i could see josie breathe in twice. bass right there to hit with drums. bam bam, two pickups and we’re off. not something we just recorded. we’ve been working this for a while. apparently decision made before i showed up. i lean in and add my part. takes me a couple of times through to settle, when i get there josie smiles and nods me a welcome to the groove. “good to be here,” tony sings. and i agree. glad i could make it. wasn’t sure there for a minute.
good groove is about trust. so we trust for a while. the room is digging it. though i can still feel the talk talk. my scan drops to side stage. archer’s not there just now. where she was i see rachel. and she’s looking towards the open door and the steps behind us. there’s a small sigh. then i need to showup for the downbeat so i get distracted. next time i flash in that direction rachel’s gone. but mcshane is taking off and it’s my job to show up with support. alright, let’s do this. one more song and we’re done. let’s set it up.
josie was most of the way through tearing down and bagging her drums before i thought again that the scientist lady wasn’t around. no big deal. i’d cased my guitar and i stashed my amp over in the corner for the moment. by the open stage door. i poked my head around the corner and looked down the dim stairs. light at the bottom. might be an easier way to take out some of the gear. wasn’t really up to wandering through people. just gonna end up saying something stupid. so i grabbed the guitar case. figured i’d drop it somewhere at the bottom of the stairs. then scope out whether it might really be a good idea to load out in this direction or i’ve had all of my good ideas for the day and it’s not. downstairs i leaned the case against the wall a few feet along then headed off in the direction of the door i’d seen sparechange use. wasn’t that far. seemed pretty clear. so basically anything we didn’t mind boosting down the stairs could come this way if the people didn’t clear. go back and see if it’s helpful. at the bottom of stairs my eye flashes on something along the long foundation wall. i don’t quite take it in. i keep going for a step. then something registers. i looked back along the long wall. there’s a slash of light that wasn’t there before. i wondered if that was buddy’s closed door. now open. in case he missed it, i could just see what i could see. no harm in that.
door was open. not forced. not wide. but i pushed it far enough i could see through. swung open quiet. was glad for that. more hallway. a few feet then takes off both left and right. for no reason that i can figure i went through the door. and took a left. so quiet i could tell we were sound-proofed from all the noise upstairs. halfway to the far wall there’s a doorway on the right. it’s open. i’m here. may as well see.
from the doorway i could see workbenches. a few of them. it’s a big space. similar entrance on the far side. and storage. lots of it. in the quiet i heard the gentle sound of a wooden drawer. being closed. she came into view. dark emerald.
would’ve said hi. but there’s someone between us.
with their back to me. watching what sister’s up to. i didn’t know quite what to do. tried not to move.
tick.
the watcher made up three long paces to the scientist. with her back to us. she didn’t see it coming. he grabbed her. turned her around so she was facing me. and stood behind her.
a knife.
he seemed to take in who i was. “oh, this is perfect.” i didn’t recognize him. but for some reason i thought of the black pickup in the driveway.
“man, i’m just looking for the way out.” i’m looking for anything inoffensive to say. which might help cover the sound.
from the far side. rachel. suddenly right behind him. and he’s not moving. doesn’t look by choice. she’s clearly applying competence. “shouldn’t play with knives.” he’s taking it very seriously. “if i feel you twitch you’re gonna bleed out before help comes.” i see his knife hand relax slightly. she notices. “you promise?” he nods. no words. “then i promise i won’t hurt you.” she doesn’t move. “deal.”
there was no obvious change of mind on his face. but something in me saw something.
i must’ve screamed.
and then there was a small red dot in the side of his head. he seemed to relax. and just… slump.
i looked back over my shoulder. sparechange.
“that’s for uncle alex.”
“i had him.”
“i know.”
“i promised.”
“i didn’t.”
rachel didn’t look pleased. then looked over my shoulder, behind sparechange.
limner. what’s he doing here? looks at the scene. taking it all in. a small sigh. to no one in particular, “this was supposed to be a sneak and peak.” then he takes the gun from sparechange. pulls out a handkerchief and wipes it. looks down at the guy on the floor. then at everyone. like tony before a set. nods his head, twice, slowly. then toward the door.
“out.”
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