the tolerance wars - 17
favourite kind of ending
every week
until it’s done
begin at the beginning—chapter 1
the tolerance wars
17.
favourite kind of ending
josie’s snare-drum’s hitting every beat hard, always my favourite kinda r&b strut. waits is walking through a rolling pattern on the bass like he’s been touched by the finger of the holy james jamerson himself. mcshane is holding back the hook for the big reveal. which leaves me trying to cover what three guitar players would work out as a section then all groove together in one of those giant hit sessions for motown. except right now there’s only one of me. for years i’d tried to work out what that monster guitar player was doing on all those detroit tunes. seemed downright impossible to replicate. but eventually i got there. sort of. it was much later someone pointed out that there were actually three guitar players on most of those originals tracks. i wasn’t sure whether that made me feel better or not. shame those guys never got the royalties they deserved for all those hits. or the credit. would’ve been worth some serious money to them. and probably saved me a ton of work. at that moment i just knew it was a good thing tony hadn’t sold the gear. this would all be a lot harder than it already was.
when we’d built up all the energy we could as a rhythm section mcshane made with the wonderful and dropped the hook. we could feel the room respond. without letting them up for air tony came in right behind, channelling each and every one of the supremes, and sang the people the hit they knew was coming. except now it was this lady. singing for this time. right here at this party.
then the song was over and the drummer called for a break. as i was stashing my guitar josie caught my eye and gave me a solid nod of approval. that was high praise from the hardest working drummer i knew. guess i must’ve been doing something right. not only that, we were one long set in and mcshane hadn’t tried to play a rhythm guitar part. not even once. felt like some kind of job security. or as close as it gets in my business.
right now my business was to get off this stage. and get some air. only the end of the first set and the room already felt fuller than i’d expected. i think our man had said two-fifty invites. felt like most of them were already in here grooving with us. in a room that maxed at half that many people. come to think of it, last time a party felt like that from the first set, they’d eventually had to call the cops to clear the place. which was way more hassle than we were looking for tonight. mostly to myself i said, “may the party gods be generous…”
“…and the people righteous.” mcshane finished it. what had started off as a throwaway between the two of us had become band code for a certain kinda heasdup.
tony came over to check in and heard us set up the line and finish it. she nodded. “so you guys felt it too?”
“we are keeping an eye on this one, right?” josie joined us at our side of the stage. she hadn’t heard us use the traditional line, but probably had the best radar of us all. could read a room better than most lead singers i’d worked with. tony included. we’d all learned to pay close attention when she started checking the wind. “i don’t know about you guys, but somehow tonight i’m feeling a little under-insured.”
“not just me, then?” waits made it in time for consensus, all the heads shook. “double up?”
i guess we were looking at tony. who was looking alternately between the room and us. then she called it. “yeah, i think so. you guys know the drill. work the rooms. hard. nobody gets away without having a little joy spread in their direction. travel in pairs. no one gets out of sight. you touch on the heart of the weirdness, your first job is to get out safe. then you let the rest of us know what’s up. we meet back here for another set in…” she seemed to check in with me, but i’m pretty sure it was meant for the drummer. or at least someone with a watch. “…an hour?” which felt about right. “then we see if we feel like digging in for the night, or setting up for a smart exit after a brisk but solid set?” then a check-in with me for real, “maybe give marcus a sign that we’re dispensing joy all round?” i took it. clear communication between the entertainment and the kitchen was usually my job. like now. “he might take it as a sign to do likewise.” tony waited for my ‘i’m on it’ nod, then she looked at each of us in turn. “alright then. stay safe. let the good people here know that tonight they are not alone. meet back side-stage in an hour. then we’ll show them what we mean. i don’t know about you guys, i feel like making some serious music.”
i’d seen archer hanging back while our huddle began, evolved and then quickly wrapped up. i caught her eye and gave her a ‘join me?’ look as i started to make my way through the crowd towards the back doors and the kitchen, while being sure to make eyebrows and happy eye-contact with as many of the guests as i could on my way out. at the doors i paused and waited for my friend to catch up. play enough parties and you learn how to do crowds efficiently.
she leaned her head towards me as we walked through into the hallway and quietly said, “that looked serious.”
“yeah,” i replied, just as quiet. “band meeting. everyone caught a sense of something. feels… dunno. not right.” i tried to shrug at the same time as smiling and nodding at the folks who recognized me as maybe having been on stage. mostly i failed at the specifics, but nailed the gist of all of it. much like how i play motown. or anything really. which is probably how people knew it was really me. “gonna check in with the kitchen and see how they’re doing, synchronize our watches.”
“you don’t wear a watch.”
i tried not to trip over the fact that she’d noticed. i’m a rhythm player. i’m supposed to know when to come in. and you don’t get there by counting anything. you get there by feeling it. whatever people are serving up in that moment. all of it. if i have to count beats or bars or seconds, or frankly anything, i’m not feeling it. and if i’m not feeling what people are laying down in the moment then i’m just coming in at some random time. and calling that right. of course then everyone simply has to memorize what i called right. and then we have to do it exactly the same. every single time. lord help us all, ain’t no music in any of that. some people think that sameness is how you get a tight band. most of those people think it’s the only way. me, i get to all my meetings right on time. it’s all about pace. in my day. in that intro i just worked out for us. in the three-minute song we’re playing. in the brand new recording we’re trying to get down for the first time ever.
but no, i don’t wear a watch. gets in the way of my fretting hand. and the rest of my life too.
“it’s a metaphor. or a euphemism. right now i forget which.” i kept smiling and nodding as we continued to make our way through the people. “be smart to get the big man’s take on what’s what. even if only to let him know that the band’s getting a bit twitchy. maybe no good reason. but just checking in is always good.” we came to a connecting hall. i had to think about it for a second. happily i have no problem asking for directions. i tilted my head that way, “kitchen?”
she grabbed my hand and led us in the other direction, waltzed herself around one of the black and whites coming along the hallway, took my hand again and twirled, then led us into making a four-handed bridge over the next server who twinkled, grinned, ducked slightly and did a passable nod at a do-si-do with an entire plateful of smoked something or other. even bowed to her partners. nice. everyone around us smiled wide and laughed. nothin’ to see here, just doin’ our job. then my smart friend pulled me close and whispered, “follow the food.”
i am surrounded by genius.
another black and white came walking along the hallway towards us with a plate full of gorgeous-looking food. we smiled and moved past him, then saw one more come out a doorway and head in the opposite direction. when we got to that doorway i remembered the quick view of the kitchen from when we were first hauling in waits’ bass rig for setup.
white tiles with blue trim, lots of stainless steel retro-fit, in between everything a gorgeous deep red wood. and, “hey man, you guys killin’ it tonight! pity so many of ‘em’re already dead, yeah?” of course, a friend.
i knew i could always count on him for the straight deal. so tonight i was even happier to see my buddy than usual. but as archer and i walked into that kitchen my eyes were drawn upwards. and all around. and everywhere. so much wood. we moved aside to let another plate of food go by. i must’ve dropped my jaw.
“yeah, man.” sparechange nodded in agreement. “mahogany. back when it was an actual wood and not just an aspiration.” he took it all in with us for a breath. “okay, so maybe there were a few things better back in the day. like wood maybe. still not enough reason to want to haul us all back there. not gonna go. can’t make me. though will work solid for decent food. maybe a bit of respect. have you tried the soup? tastes of respect.”
the three of us made room for another black and white to get by. this was a kitchen that had been used to a staff moving around. lots of them. and just for tonight it was almost like the old days. would have taken a serious amount of money to put this place together originally. then a series of re-modellings. each one probably costing more than what was already here. and of course tonight’s shindig was not being done on the cheap, neither.
i was still gawping, but managed “lot of money here”
my friend the scientist agreed. but i guess she’d worked europe. admiring, but wasn’t quite as lost for words. “not in your face. but impossible to ignore.”
sparechange moved his attention from the fine woodwork to the smart lady standing in front of him. i was reminded of a few minutes in that hospital room. watching him think. taking in new information. “like old money, the whole world over.” i wondered how much of the world my friend had seen. and why hadn’t i wondered that before? and then the moment was gone, with a, “but man, i’ve got you standing here. you’re the honoured guests. this is the kitchen. i bet you’re looking for marcus.” he looked at me for a second, then tilted his head like an old dog being interrupted by a new thought, and said, “…and the people righteous.” which is when i decided everybody does better eyebrows than me.
“tony sent me to let marcus know we’re on a mission. to spread joy and lovingkindness.”
“throughout the realm.” man, how does such a big man always sneak up on me like that? “let it be so!” marcus clapped me on the shoulder. somehow managing not to wound me in the process. “you need me to speak to someone?”
“no,” i shook my head, “nothing so drastic. just got a group feeling. nothing definite. but we’re gonna take another forty-five or so to wander among and let the good people know we are for real. then we’ll make with the magic again for as long as they want us. after that we’ll check the reviews before we decide whether we’ve had all the fun we can stand for one night. that work for you?”
“friend, i’m glad you’re here at all. and if tony’s in charge then i want to see what you guys lay down. always my favourite night.”
we were always the same unit, no matter who was on point. why would that matter? “it makes a difference who’s in charge?”
“no. but i do like seeing you twitch like that. when you have a brand new thought. makes me feel alive. with the sound of music. now i feel a song coming on.” then he turned away from us and focussed on something of more immediate importance. “dude! if you don’t stop fussing with those plates i am going to find a nice airing cupboard to hang you up in until we’re ready to pack it all out. you’re disturbing the flow. and you know i don’t like it when that happens. don’t make me have to explain why…” and just like that he was gone from our midst. off wandering among his people. distributing joy and admonishment. equally, but fairly. and everywhere smiles. a true talent to be admired. good thing he was on our side.
i set aside for the moment whether marcus was just messing with me again. or maybe the business side of our gigs really did always go better when tony was in charge. just now we had things to do. people to see. all the people. or as many as we could in the next half hour or so. but i could tell my buddy still had his thinking cap on. “you seen anything in particular tonight that might tend the party gods in an unfavourable way?”
“man it’s all hard times out there.” he looked around at all the rich old wood. “especially in a place like this.”
it felt like there were levels in what he’d just said that maybe i didn’t understand. for some reason i found myself asking, “you workin’ tonight?”
“only for the house. marcus is my man.”
i let the thought go for now. “so you don’t disagree with the call? something not right. seen anything?”
“nothin much man. maybe a few people.”
“people? help me out.”
“dunno man. not here to have a good time. more like not been havin’ a good time. and here to take it out on something. or someone. happens. maybe seen it before. other places. other times. maybe here?”
“so maybe just an attitude or two and it’ll work itself out having a good time. which we will provide.”
“or somethin’. yeah man.”
i should’ve known to lean into it a little, but i figured if buddy thought more of it he would’ve said. sometimes i should figure less. ask more. “so we’re gonna work the room and loop back to the stage. you see anything makes a difference maybe let us know. preferably before we start. though i’m wandering around onstage tonight, so you can probably get my attention if you need.”
“sure man. i’ll check it out. though if things turn stupid you’ll probably notice before i do.”
i agreed, “musician’s vibe sense.”
“no man. you’re up higher. see more. facing the whole room for that matter. kinda helps. maybe read the vibe better, i wouldn’t know. i’m not a musician. it’s probably nothin’ and we ride it out. but yeah, if i see something i think you need to know i’ll be around.”
kitchen mission accomplished, with a side of buddy keeping an eye out for us, archer and i headed back to the hall. though i ended up taking us the long way around. on purpose of course.
taking the long way, we saw our share of the guests. no one group of weirdness, just individual weirdnesses. and none that looked harmful. just people looking to have a good time. though i couldn’t maybe help but see a sign here or there of what sparechange’d been talking about. someone not having a good time out there. here to let somebody know it. well, we couldn’t reach ‘em all, here on the ground. leastways not without being late for stage call. so i let a couple of the frown boys go, noting that they were doing beer and not whisky. though that could change. and one of ‘em looked like he’d done a couple or three shots at the bar as well. for good measure. i thought of the rule. measure twice, cut once. though i wasn’t sure how it applied here. and figured maybe we didn’t need to find out. rule is any party that offers a demonstration of one or more of the basic laws of physics is not to be taken lightly. handle with care. it did occur to me i was with a scientist. might be a good thing, in case of physics. though we ended up taking the long way, we didn’t dance any more. i guess i noticed.
when we all got to the stage there was no big meeting. no big reveal. nobody saw no more than the regular level of uncool that’s gonna attend any gathering of the people. so we’ve got a set to play. how long is up to us. then maybe we make a graceful exit and leave karma to sort itself without us. so we all tucked in to grabbing instruments and switching on. since i was closest to the sound board i checked in to see if anybody needed anything different. which in this case meant tony. though i made the look with everybody, make sure they’re getting what they need. tony shook her head, didn’t need my help. josie gave me a nod, waiting to find out whether that first set i laid down was for real. mcshane smiled at the room, then dialed his tube-side a little hotter to make sure. and waits’ chin made the smallest of moves in my direction, asking me what key. and did i have a plan. or was it gonna be up to him again. it’s a complex language, the look. i don’t always get it right.
tony did her own check-in with each of us in turn. like always. never said anything. not really asking anything. more like taking a measure of a friend. she’d make her way around us all, then take a breath of her own. then she’d tell us what she had in mind. or tap out a pace she thought might get us somewhere. or throw out a line of words that was on her. or like now, look at me like i’m the one who knows what’s going on and give me an eyebrow and a half-smile that says i feel like doing this so give me something to work with.
no clue what to do. so i did it anyway.
i must’ve twitched something that the drummer caught, and i guess the bass player had been looking at my fingers coming down on my instrument to figure out what key we might be in. suddenly there was a couple of notes to sketch out a pickup. i guess that would’ve been me. then somehow out of that someone hit a downbeat. i don’t think it was me since before i knew it we were playing, and out of nowhere a groove appeared. it seemed like a better idea than what i had, which was nothing yet, so i followed it. a little on the fast side of medium, still enough room for the strut we’d been doing earlier in the night. i gave bass and drums a couple of phrases to get themselves sorted out, then i joined them and we ran it around a few times to make sure we had something. i threw a nod to the boy wonder. not so much the get me outta here look that sometimes happened. more of a will this do sir? i couldn’t tell whether the growl in return was from mcshane himself or the part of his amp that he’d turned up. but yes, it would do fine. he set up a line as we worked-in the groove, then we played the figure one last time as he took another run at it and shaped it into an intro for the vocal. all of this must’ve made some kind of sense to tony, because she was right there. it occurred to me that maybe this band played best when i was not in charge. and had no clue what was going on. though apparently right now i had a vocal to show up for, let me see what i can do about that.
i can always hear tony having taken on a smile just when she starts to singing. i must’ve done alright.
“yeah, it’s alright.” she was singing, “to be here tonight.” she looked at me, “yes it is.” definitely smiling. must’ve done. then just to be sure, “yeah, it’s al-right!” she went ahead and told me, “to be here tonight,” then she looked up and took in the whole room, made sure they knew what she was about to say was true and then she said “yes it is.” and somehow made that sound like the most natural of things to say, while spinning it into a gorgeous touch of melody as she said it. and you knew it was true. then she sang it again, “yeah, it’s alright!” but this time she was taking in the whole space, “to be here tonight,” and everybody in it, “yes it is!” now her voice was filling the room. “yeah, it’s alright!” and she seemed to look at everybody in turn “alright we are all here tonight.” and you just knew that somebody out there felt seen. me, i took the shift in meaning and rhythm of the line for a cue. good thing too.
“yes! it! is!” three hits. we filled in the fourth, as if to imply we knew what was going on. then we headed off somewhere in the direction of a good idea. turned out it was, too. waits had apparently decided that anyone who felt like dancing at all tonight was gonna have no choice but to get up and do it right now and stay up for the length of the proceedings. then of course he laid down a line that let you know exactly how you could move the things you felt like moving. just as a courtesy. josie must’ve figured we’d finally given her something she could work with, she leaned in and somehow shaped that fine groove into something you’re right now it was impossible not to move to. i played along for a phrase or two, mostly trying to stay out of the way. i did notice a smile in passing from the drummer, which either meant i was delivering on what i’d promised earlier, or was maybe just because like she’d once told me she always enjoyed the sound of me not quite figuring things out. said i flat out played better. wished i could play like that all the time. and that it pleased her to know that’s how music worked for some people. seriously funny burn, yeah. but she wasn’t wrong. lord knows i was exactly there often enough. now for instance. but it seemed to be working. the room was up and moving. oh look, we got there.
i spent the next little while settling in to the groove my friends had made. by the time i was able to get my head up and look around, tony had already walked us through phrases from three or four more of the motown hits, starting pretty much from where we’d ended the first set. only now it was different. now she was pulling words from different songs. she threw down another lyric, this one from a whole different place. i think it was still in the r&b world, but i can never keep up with sister’s references. she always said that was a good thing, meant what she was layin’ down had to work on its own. though if you knew the source of what she was doing, there’d be a sense of something more in it for you. wasn’t a secret code, tony said to keep people out felt wrong. more of a sense that maybe the singer’s using a deeper language than we’re hearing. even though she’s saying things we’ve heard before. phrases from different sources. different times. together they maybe say something. can you hear me now?
tony was grabbing musical thoughts that spoke to how she was feeling right now. i knew she was calling on what she told me was just her body memory of what she’d sung when she felt like this. she said the words all came out of that. but me knowing part of how the magic worked didn’t make it any less special. because she’d never done this before. “it’s good to be…” she was calling the room to order. and to this moment. right here.
can you hear me now?
we took that as a sign. and turned up the groove. same but different. mcshane left the bright lights and stepped into the back line, laying down something even better where the horn shots would be. we held it up high like that for a while, then we brought it down. same tempo, same heat, still tight. just a good place to be. right now. yeah, we got you sister.
tony took us around the block. she graced this our first groove with musical lines and thoughts, i have no idea where most of ‘em came from, but they were all saying something. and together they were also telling us that this is what people have been saying. and they’d been saying it for a long time. then, when you thought maybe you were just beginning to understand, and when maybe sister felt she’d said everything she wanted to say for the moment, tony stepped away from the mic, and with the smallest of nods invited mcshane to step forward and make sense out of all this.
brother chose to testify.
first he played snatches of the melodies tony’d just conjured out of nothing, all while continuing to nod in the direction of the horn riffs he’d just been playing. then he dropped the horn parts and concentrated on a lovely line of guitar-shaped melody as it went by. which then came out in a couple of different shapes before sending him out on a gorgeous spin of lines, echoing what the singer’d been laying down while taking it all into new space. being in the moment was the lead guitarist’s job. make him play it twelve times over and it dies. while the drummer is just figuring out what they really wanna do with this thing. but let the rhythm section figure out where they really wanna go. now, for instance. and then invite the lead guitar player to do something about it. that’s when they come to life.
now for instance.
the boy wonder filled the room with magic enough for all, then after a few minutes of swooping and grinding joy, made a respectful space for the singer. who stepped in like she’d just been saying. and then took us into a whole new thought. while the rhythm section dropped to half-time for one big fat phrase then picked it up again, and now took us all somewhere we hadn’t known we’d needed to be.
can you hear me now?
i think we’d been at it for a time. when this gang is loose we can keep it going for a while, alternating between what we’ve never done and what we remember from another time that might fit here and now. voice and guitar giving one another what they need. all the while people up and dancing. yeah, that’s a good night.
i was just wondering where we were at in the arc of that set we’d been talking about. i can get a little lost when we’re playing freeform like that. one of the few moments i could wish for a clock just to check in with. i didn’t remember seeing one here on any of the walls, but i looked up and had a quick scan around just in case.
a roomful of people dancing their way to this good time. two guys at the back of the room throwing punches at one another. no clocks.
actually make that three people. i had to pay attention on stage for the changes, then looked over again to the back of the room. yeah, three people. and one of them was sparechange. he seemed to split up the two other guys easily, threw one of them into the arms of some waiting friends, then gave his full attention to the leftover. i couldn’t give them my own full attention, and most of the room hadn’t noticed there was anything going on back there, so staring in the direction of the fight probably wasn’t a good use of the concept of misdirection. so i didn’t. but from what i could tell sparechange made a couple of disarming the goofball moves. then a swift and highly illegal kick brought the goofball down completely.
tony made moves like she wanted us to take it up another gear, so i couldn’t be sure i’d seen buddy pocket something or not. i suspected she’d noticed the floor show and wanted us to both be a solid distraction and a reminder of what we’d been telling people for the past hour. yes, it is hard out there. but right here, right now, it is better. don’t forget that. don’t forget what we told you.
we took it up. like sister wanted. then we ran it around the room for a while longer. by the time we’d finished shaping what i was pretty sure was an ending the action at the back of the room had passed, any evidence had been cleared up, and the space was now full of people dancing along with the rest of the room like nothing had happened. given the mess i’d seen, i could tell quite a few folks had a hand in making it look like nothing had happened. i also couldn’t tell the helpers from the dancing people. maybe they were the same. that was a happy thought. though deeper than i had time for right now.
now it was definitely an ending. through with telling ‘em, tony was moving to the ride we’d established. so was the rest of the room, packed and taking it home, dancing it out. my favourite kind of ending.
especially when it’s also a beginning.
i remembered sometimes this is how beginnings feel.
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